


Nothings Changed

by MyHeartOfHearts



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Draco Malfoy/Harry Potter Fluff, Lots of Crying, M/M, POV Harry Potter, Post-Battle of Hogwarts, Short Drabble, Smut, but happy ending, just a short lil drabble, lots of talking, naked scenes
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-21
Updated: 2018-07-21
Packaged: 2019-06-14 04:38:28
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 9,370
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15380832
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MyHeartOfHearts/pseuds/MyHeartOfHearts
Summary: I’m not really sure when all of this started. At first, Draco annoyed the fuck out of me, frustrated me, infuriated me. Somewhere along the line that frustration and anger turned into lust and longing. I found myself watching the way he walked out of a room, chewed on quills in class, the way he licked his fingers after eating something. Malfoy was always someone who demanded attention when he walked into a room, his blond hair and stature commanding everyone to turn his way, and before I could help myself, he had demanded the attention of my mind.





	Nothings Changed

**Author's Note:**

> This is just a short drabble I wanted to do in between writing my other Drarry. I'm not really good with sexy scenes but I tried my best. Let me know what you think!

I’m not really sure when all of this started. At first, Draco annoyed the fuck out of me, frustrated me, infuriated me. Somewhere along the line that frustration and anger turned into lust and longing. I found myself watching the way he walked out of a room, chewed on quills in class, the way he licked his fingers after eating something. Malfoy was always someone who demanded attention when he walked into a room, his blond hair and stature commanding everyone to turn his way, and before I could help myself, he had demanded the attention of my mind.

                I know he noticed too, our verbal warfare few and far between, sarcastic remarks on the top with a filthy undertone. At the Slytherin table, his eyes would meet mine as he licked his lips, the corners of his mouth turning up just so. During Quidditch he would hover close enough to me for me to smell him, close enough that if I submitted and looked, I could count each imperfection on his face, the tiny hairs on his body. If I got a rare chance to tackle him, his hands would be in places they normally wouldn’t travel, his groans lower and purposeful.

                I wanted everything that ever played out in my head to come to life, but I would not let Draco win. His silent mockery of my schoolgirl crush only adding more fuel to my ever-growing fire.

 

                Draco sauntered into the locker rooms, already peeling his shirt off. “Nice try out there, Potter, almost felt like I had decent competition.”

                I willed myself to turn away before his shirt was completely off. “Helps when you play dirty.”

                “Mm, I do play dirty don’t I.”

                I could feel the heat off his body behind me, that’s how close he was standing to me. “What do you want Malfoy.” I redid my tie, anything to be busy, still not turning around, still not looking at him.

                I saw his hand come above my shoulder, resting on the locker right next to my head, I could sense more than see him come up right behind me, his legs pushing into my knees. He blew air into my ear and before I had time to swat him away, he was gone.

                Motionless, I stood there trying to breathe. The showers turned on somewhere in the locker room, signaling the end of the _‘conversation’_

                I would not let him win.

 

                If anyone noticed what was going on with Draco and I, they weren’t saying anything. My days carried on as normally as they could. Whenever Draco and I crossed paths the air got a little warmer, I would stand up straighter, more aware of what I was doing. Even when he wasn’t looking at me, I felt like I had to remain in control, one above. Sometimes the twins would ask me about Cho, I would motion vaguely, make something up and they would shrug and drop it. Even Ginny had noticed my absentness. I think everyone assumed it had to do with something else, _not someone._

                No matter how hard I tried, I felt more and more drawn to Draco’s presence. I craved to be the one he was talking to, the one he was patting on the back, the one he was smiling at. I made myself breathless running about the castle in hopes of catching him, just to connect eyes for a few seconds. I had taken to using the ground floor bathrooms as much as possible, anywhere where I would have a better chance of seeing him. Every night when I would go to bed, out of luck and time, I chastised myself. If he knew that I wanted him he would win, if he knew what lengths I was going to,

-he would win.

                I soon grew tired of the game. The more I chased him, the harder he became to get. I would walk away more and more frustrated each time. If I walked into a room, he would turn away from me, if I asked him something, he acted as if he couldn’t hear me, his nose buried in a book, one ear always turned to someone else.

                Our Quidditch matches become more violent, any opportunity I got to ram into him, to shove my elbow into his face, or catch the backend of his broom and send him spinning, I took.

                “What the FUCK Potter?!” Malfoy came storming into the lockers, shirt stained from my elbow incident.

                As soon as he got his words out, the rest of the teams scattered, Ron turned back to mouth the word ‘ _sorry’_ as he passed me. 

                “Are you trying to fucking kill me?” He threw his broom down, slamming his hand against the closest locker to him.

                “Remind you of anyone?” I raised my eyebrows at him, exasperated.

                “Yeah, because I didn’t grow up after first year. You’re playing like a damn child out there. Your moves could have gotten either one of us seriously injured or killed.”

                I leaned against the wall behind me, needing something to support my shaking body. “Because you give two shits whether I die or not.”

                “Well, I don’t actively want you dead, stupid git. And that’s not even the point I’m making.” He heaved a sigh and picked up his changing bag, “Look, have your feelings, but don’t fucking make stupid decisions because of them. And don’t bloody involve me.” he stalked off to the showers, shoulders tensed as he shoved past me.

                Usually seeing Malfoy, being around him, beating the shit out of him during practice, released something in me. But after our little chat, I couldn’t shake the anger from me.  I wasn’t even tired anymore. I felt like I needed to find the room of requirements and just yell for two hours. 

 

                “You were bloody scary out there today.” Ron leaned over the table into our little dinner group. “Did Malfoy give you a wedgie before practice?”

                “I’ve just been really angry recently.”

                Hermione gave me a sympathetic look, “I’m sure there’s a better way to express it.”

                “Yeah Harry,” Ginny piped up “can’t exactly kick you off since you’re captain, but practice was shit. At this rate it’ll be Hufflepuff versus Slytherin.”

                Both twins stuck out their thumbs and pointed them down, not bothering to come up for air.

                Hermione rolled her eyes, “What do you normally do when you get upset?”

                “Oh, I don’t know Hermione, sit in a tiny room under a set of stairs, or maybe wait around for someone to kill me, that usually takes all my energy.”

                She gave me an annoyed look and flipped me off.

                “Have you tried getting laid mate?” The twins stuck their head around Ron and addressed me.

                “I don’t want to fuck anyone, I want to fuck something.”

                “Not sure how the general public feels about paraphilia.” George laughed, going back to his dinner.

                I looked at Ron and he reached around Fred and smacked his brother.

                “Thanks,” I nodded at him. “Not like that, like I want to wreck something. Like I won’t be satisfied till something is destroyed.” 

                “Is this a muggle thing?”

                I grit my teeth and stared at Hermione till she went back to her food.

 

                There was something calming about watching Draco in lessons. When he concentrated, his eyes got a faraway look in them, I could see him biting the inside of his mouth. He did the same thing in Quidditch, his eyes focused, mouth chewing on his lip. If he noticed me still watching him, he gave no indication. I don’t know what hurt worse, having his one on one, or having nothing. I never really had Draco. I had his looks, his words, sometimes his touches. And now I had nothing. He wouldn’t look me in the eyes anymore, if he happened to see me, he would give me a small smile and turn away. I stopped berating him in practice and he stopped yelling at me in the lockers. I still thought of him at night, I let his hands wonder my body, let my memories of his voice rock me to sleep. No matter how many times I put my hands in my pants, my frustration only seemed to grow.

                I eventually took a page from Fred and George, started to flirt with Cho again. The more I talked with her, the less I seemed to see of Draco. Not sure if it was my own subconscious or if the Slytherin was making himself scarce around me. Cho started sitting with us during meal times, close enough that I could smell her lavender perfume, her long black hair tickling my arms. I didn’t want to be alone with her though. She would pout, drag me off to secret places around the castle to make out. But it never went beyond that, as soon as her hands started to wander, I would pull back, guilty because all I could see was a blond headed git in my head.

                “Harry, what the hell did you do to that poor girl?” Hermione sunk down in one of the common room couches, kicking her feet up.

                Ron glanced up from our assignment, “Uh oh.”

                “Nothing!” When neither of them appeared satisfied, I continued. “I swear, I didn’t do anything!”

                “Maybe that’s the problem.”

                “Why? Did she say something to you?”

                “Just that all you guys ever do is snog.”

                Ron put his hand up for a high five and then hesitated. “Wait you haven’t done anything else besides snog?”

                I shoved him and glared at Hermione, “If you must know,”

                “Oh yeah, we must.” Ron snorted

                “I’m just not as into her as I used to be. I’m trying to get over someone else.”

                “I’m sure Ginny still likes you.”

                “Oi! Stay away from my sister the lot of you. I don’t need to hear any weird details of that encounter.” Ron looked sullen, shifting his eyes between me and Hermione. “Good for you for only snogging then. Cho is someone’s sister too.”

                “Okay mum.” Hermione rolled her eyes. “Maybe you should take a break from people than, Harry.”

                “Well, I was trying to take Fred and George’s advice.” Both of them looked at me and burst out laughing.

                “Well props to you madman, if you ever go through with it, no surf and turfing my sister.”

                “Noted Ron.”

                “Have you tried something else? McGonagall has a team of people rebuilding the castle, maybe you could join them. I know some of the teachers need help, you could be an aid. I know Professor Slughorn would love your help.” I knew Hermione was trying to help the best she could but everything she suggested involved seeing Malfoy in one form or another.

                I shook my head, abandoning the assignment on the table and leaning against the couch behind Ron and I. “I think I just need to immerse myself in my work and fully avoid this person.”

                “Yeah, because avoiding saying Voldemort’s name always made him go away too.”

                This time I flipped her off.

 

                Cho didn’t last long, I tried to explain to her my situation but all she heard was _“I like someone else.”_ I wished more than anything that Sirius was still around, he had always been someone I could talk to. He had had an interesting relationship with Lupin, one that he wasn’t shy about sharing details of. I’m sure he could have greatly helped me. I took to the second best. I started searching every inch of the castle for the mirror where I saw my parents. I needed to see Sirius, even if I couldn’t talk to him or hold him, I just needed to see him. I opened more doors than I ever had, even the ones I already knew. Dumbledore had been a clever man, I wasn’t even sure if the mirror was still in the castle if it was even intact. I got lost more times than I could count, trying to track my losses on a makeshift map but often I was just mapping off new corridors, new rooms, doors that led to brick walls. Eventually, when I had just about given up, the Room of Requirement made itself known to me. If I really needed the mirror would it show itself to me? I was on the sixth floor, I had turned so many corners, I want sure where I was anymore, but there was no one around me. I turned the handle and glanced inside, it was the same room where we had practiced defense against the dark arts, something that had seemed so long ago now. There was the mirror, standing in the middle like it had been waiting for me. It’s possible Dumbledore had hidden the mirror in the room all those years ago.

                “Tricky bastard,” I mumbled, stepping inside and gently closing the door behind me. Once I found the item I had been so long looking for, I almost didn’t want to look in it. Certainly the search had kept my mind off Draco, even Ron and Hermione seemed to think my crush was over, Hermione constantly smiling _that_ smile at me. The one where she thought what she had told me had solved everything. Maybe it had, but I would never tell her that.

                I circled the room, my eyes on everything but the object. What did I want? I wanted Draco, I wanted to stop feeling so irritated, I wanted Sirius. Finally, I came to a stop in front of the mirror, my eyes traveling up until I could see my reflection. The mirror shifted, a wave inside as my body contorted to what my heart desired.

                “ _No_.” I slammed my hands on the glass. “No! Show me Sirius!” I wasn’t afraid of anyone hearing me, wasn’t afraid of the mirror breaking as I continued to slap its cold hard surface, Draco’s eyes following me from the other side. This couldn’t be right. I wasn’t the type of person to truly look inside myself and ask what I wanted. There were things on the surface, the immediate gratification things that came easy. I wanted my family to be alive, I wanted to be happy and to know what I was doing with my life, I wanted to continue to daydream about Draco Malfoy. Draco was such a surface problem, he was an easy fix. He was most definitely not my hearts greatest desire. I stepped back and took a deep breath; my hands had started turning red. Draco continued to watch me. “ _You are not my heart’s desire!”_ I spit at him, hitting the mirror one more time before leaving as fast as I could. I didn’t turn back once to look.

 

                I was staring out the window in Muggles Study. I couldn’t take the class seriously now that Fred and George were currently teaching it. Besides, if anyone knew a thing or two about the muggle world it was me. I was shocked out of my daydreams by a snake landing on my desk, the paper origami slithered across my books and unfurled itself.

                _“What’s got you down Potter? Look sadder than Ron on a diet.”_

                I sat up and looked around the room, Draco’s eyes caught mine and he nodded towards the note. Fred and George were busy explaining currency and the great depression at the front of the class. They made class more fun, I’ll give them that, but they were just as strict as any other teacher when it came to note passing. I took out my quill and quickly wrote down a response.

                “ _What’s it to you_?” The previously snake note morphed itself into a hippogriff with a quick wave of my wand and flew back to Draco. When he read the note, he frowned at me and started writing.

                The snake came back to my desk, this time it tried to bite me before it presented itself. “ _We’re not enemies anymore you know.”_

                I thought for a while before responding, making sure the twins were still preoccupied. I could feel the anger and frustration start bubbling up inside me again. ‘ _So what?’_ I thought. We weren’t enemies, were we ever? But nothing had changed. He was still Malfoy and I was still Potter, he was still a dick and I was still nothing to him.

                I sent my hippogriff back to him just in time for the lesson to be over. I ran out of the room before he could read the note.

                _“Nothings changed.”_

I used to look forward to Quidditch practice. Being captain felt natural, this year we had some extraordinary players considering everything that had happened. But now knowing we practiced with Slytherin, knowing that I had to see _his_ face, made my stomach churn. So much for avoiding.

                I arrived early and changed into my gear. This was our last match of the year, Hogwarts versus Slytherin. I had to look forward to spending hours on the field with Draco. I didn’t even care if he caught the snitch.

                As the team started filling in, green among gold, I took my leave, not wanting to spend more time than I had to with Draco. I waited at the entrance of the field, watching as the stadiums begun to fill up. It made me sad knowing there weren’t as many people as there should have been. The absence of the Battle of Hogwarts most noticeable in the Slytherin household.

                “Ready for the game?” Ginny walked up behind me, putting her hand on my shoulder.

                I forced a smile. “Ready as I’ll ever be.” I wondered if Hermione had told her of our conversation.

                “Don’t worry about it too much Harry, I think a lot of people are just happy that things are going back to normal. No one will gut you if we lose.”

                I looked over her shoulder as the opposing team lined up, Malfoy in their lead. “We’ll be great.”

 

                Slytherin won the game. I stayed on the field as long as I could, not wanting to face my team, or theirs. When the sky opened and started pouring down, I fled to the safety of the locker rooms.

                Draco was putting on his shoes, his gear kit next to him. He looked up briefly when I entered.

                “Congratulations,” I muttered as I passed him.

                “Not really a fair game when you’re not even playing.” He stood up and slung his kit over his shoulders. “It’s not really worth it anymore anyway.” He started walking out

                “Wait what do you mean?” I cursed myself for speaking out when he turned to face me.

                “Face it, Harry, no one likes Slytherin. We’re the bad guys, always have been always will be. Nothing’s changed.” 

                I took a few steps forward, upset that he had taken my words so wrong. “Hang on, that’s not what I meant by that.”

                “Really, because it sure seemed like it. We’re enemies?” I could read the hurt in his words, the shaking of his shoulders. “I’m still nothing to you? Just the bad guy?” He was shouting now, and I was immensely glad the rest of the team was gone. “I’ve been trying to put myself out there, I’ve made mistakes fuck I know that! But I know that you begged the sorting hat not to put you in Slytherin. You think I had that same luxury? You don’t think I wanted to be Gryffindor, Ravenclaw? Hell, even Hufflepuff? You don't think my parents put unbearable pressure on me? You think I like being the bad guy? You’re the fucking Chosen One, and I will always be the guy who got Dumbledore killed, I will always be Draco Malfoy with the death eater parents, the boy who’s in Slytherin. No good _._ _Fuck you_.” He forcefully wiped at the tears coming down his face, “Just, fuck you.”

 

                “I guess I never really thought about it that way.” Hermione was chewing her nails. We were all sitting in the Gryffindor commons. As soon as Draco had left, I showered and changed in record time, racing back to talk to her and Ron.

                “What that he never had a choice?” I took a bite of pizza, there were still some Gryffindor’s mulling about. Win or lose we always pigged out after a match. No one seemed to be in the mood to hang around today though.

                “Yeah. I mean he played his part _really_ well.”

                “So did Snape,” I snapped back. “and we never knew the full story.”

                “Yes Harry, but Snape was still a dick to you. He had orders, but he didn’t have to carry them out so _. Harshly_.”

                I stood up, more than done with this conversation. “You don’t know the whole story, Hermione, I’m the one who saw the memory. I’m the one who Draco yelled at. This isn’t a black and white situation.” I looked at her and Ron, who hadn’t said anything in the whole conversation. He hated conflict.

                “What are you going to do?”

                “Fix it.”

 

                Draco was making it harder than necessary to _fix it_. All my hippogriffs got burnt, during meal times, Draco had suddenly become the most popular Slytherin, constantly surrounded by crowds. With the Quidditch season over, Gryffindor had gone back to practicing alone.

                I finally bribed a first year to give me access to the Slytherin commons, figuring the only way I could get Draco alone was if I was in his territory. After dinner one evening, I watched him break away from his pact, stretching making his way towards Slytherin hall.

                “Guys I’ll see you later?”              

                “Where you off to at this hour?” The Weasley twins raised their eyebrows at me. “Off to sneak into some poor unsuspecting girls bed?”

                Ginny blushed.

 

                I had to run to catch up to Draco, but he had seemingly vanished. “ _Lumos_ ” I lit my way into the cellars, pushing past old abandoned paintings and waving a few cobwebs out of my face. I walked to the south wall and whispered the password “Imperium” The wall seemed to groan, the bricks dissipating one by one till there was a staircase leading down. I threw on my cloak and pulled up the hood, another bribe to the poor first year, one costing me ten galleons. My legs considerably poked out from the bottom, the boy I borrowed it from being a good foot shorter than me.

                The Slytherin commons were dimly lit, through the glass walls the ocean reflected what little light was on. It closely mirrored our own common rooms, couches, and bookcases throughout, a giant fireplace in the middle. The Slytherin banners proudly erected in the center of the dome, their quidditch banners right next to their house colors. The commons were empty, each Slytherin still at dinner or already off to bed. I wish I had brought my map with me so I could directly find the blond, instead, I had to walk around the rooms.

                “What the hell.” One Slytherin promptly slammed a door in my face. “Wrong room dweeb!” he yelled through the wood.

                “Sorry, Looking for Draco.”

                “He’s in the showers!”

                I stumbled around for a few moments before finding their bathroom. I was really hoping Draco wasn’t _in_ the showers, but the longer I hung out, the sooner I would get thrown out. I pushed the door open, taking my hood off. It was foggy inside, answering my question about where Draco truly was. I walked in, trying to blow the smoke out of my way, kicking past a pile of clothes I could only assume were his.

Draco was under the first set of shower heads, his head facing directly into the jets. I waited for him to notice me, but he just stood there.

                “Draco.” My voice came out horse, I was trying not to look below his waist. My skin started to feel hotter. I cleared my throat “Draco.”

                He pulled his head back, shaking his blond locks out of his face, he stared at me for a good minute “I feel like nothing should surprise me anymore. I am naked.” He wasn’t making eye contact with me, trying to cross his legs. There was nothing in the shower room to hide him.

                “I need to talk to you.”

                “Okay but I’m naked.”

                I sighed and threw the cloak off, pulling off my shirt and throwing it somewhere. I made quick work of the rest of my clothes

                “What are you doing?” he sounded panicked

                “I need to talk to you.” I threw my undergarments off and walked to the closest shower head to him, turning it on.

                “Can we do this later?” He didn’t move away from me.

                I turned the knob to cold, now was not the time for anything to be happening to my body. “Well I keep trying but you’re avoiding me.” Turning to look at him, I moved my head, so the water wasn’t in my eyes.

                “Okay. I guess we’ll just have a lovely chat here. In the shower room. In the Slytherin commons. How did you get in here anyway?”

                I rolled my eyes “Not now, look about what I said before, - “

                He cut me off “And where did you get that robe?”

                “I didn’t mean what I said, I did, but not the way you took it.”

                “I mean,” he pushed his head back in the water, brushing some leftover shampoo out of his hair. “Green suits you, don’t get me wrong.”

                “Did you hear me?”

                “But it’s a little unsettling to see you in a Slytherin robe. And then naked. Not bad. Just shocking.”

                I reached out and grabbed his forearm, hoping to get him to shut up for at least a second.

                He looked down at my hand, and then back up at my face. “I’m naked. You’re naked. I guess its normal in the showers, people shower naked, don’t they? Just weird.”

                He wasn’t pulling back, I took his rambling as nerves, so I ran my hand up to his shoulder. “Draco are you listening to me?”

                “Harry.” He was looking right into my eyes. “I hear you, I do, but I am naked.”  He motioned with the arm I wasn’t holding to his, nether regions.

                “I’m naked too, can we get past that already?” I glanced down for the first time.

                “Kind of hard to since I’ve been dreaming about this for a while.”

                “What?” I let go of him, turning the water to warmer, my body couldn’t take the cold anymore.

                “I wasn’t really expecting it to happen like this though. I mean, the naked part is good. I think.”

                My heart was beating into my throat, my skin turned hotter than the water, and I could feel myself getting hard.

                “I was just having a normal day you know, then some bloke enters the showers. Not just any bloke. Harry fucking Potter.” He was talking to himself, stuck in some nervous anxious bubble.

                I put my hand back on his shoulder and his talking started getting faster. “I think lucid me would really enjoy this.” He looked at me and smiled, “Can’t wait to tell him.”

                I got closer, placing my hand from his shoulder to his wet hair and leaned in, breathing on his lips. This was the moment I had been thinking about. I wished I could put this time into a bottle and never let it go. Draco had stopped talking, his breaths coming out shallow. I watched him swallow, his Adam's apple going down and then back up. I moved my feet so I could stand closer to him, so I wouldn’t fall into him. His arms reached up and grabbed my forearm, willing me to not let go.

                “Nothings changed.” I breathed into his mouth, not wanting to look into his eyes as I leaned in and kissed him. His mouth was warm from the shower, his tongue wet with water.

                Every time I had kissed someone I would panic about when I was supposed to breathe, with Draco Malfoy, I didn’t even think about it. We stood like that for what seemed forever, just breathing inside each other, tongues becoming well acquainted. I could feel him on my stomach, his hard on matching mine. I finally pulled back and looked at him, he seemed stunned. “I want them to. I want things to change. That’s what I meant.”

                “You couldn’t write that on your hippogriff?” He leaned back from me and started laughing. “Can kill the dark lord, survive through years of torment, but can’t express feelings. Noted.”

                I scowled and stepped back into my own water spray. “I’m trying, aren’t I?”

                Draco stopped laughing, walking into my spray, almost into me. He placed both hands around my face, I could tell now that he was a few inches taller then me, his eyes looking down into mine. “Better late then never” and his mouth was back on mine. He pressed his body tightly into mine, arms letting go of my face and running up and down my chest, eventually settling on my waist.

 

                “Why?”

                Draco and I were hiding on the third floor, in some abandoned classroom, we had accio’d some couches and a chair, making it our own hideout. We would come here whenever we had free period, after brekkie, lunch, dinner, even falling asleep together sometime.

                Draco was running his hands through my hair, something he knew would calm me down, I hated that he knew that _. I loved that he knew that._

                “I just don’t think I’m ready for it yet. Harry... You know we’re from two very different houses, - “

                “yes, but this could make it better! If everyone knew we were together, everyone would know that Slytherin wasn’t bad!”

                He let out a laugh, “Just because I’m dating the chosen one makes Slytherin forgiven of any past evils?”

                I sat up and pushed his hands away from me, “Not like that” I struggled to find the right words. “It would just- “ 

                “I know what you mean Harry, don’t think too hard on my behalf.”

                I shoved him, and he smiled. “I am comfortable with what we have right now,” he kissed my shoulder, “Can’t we just take things at this pace? Why ruin a good thing?”

                I sighed, we’d had this conversation a thousand times now. Getting up and grabbing my bag, I faced him, leaned down, hands on his knees, and kissed him. It always felt like the very first time, butterflies in my stomach, my skin getting hot and cold all at the same time. “I have class. Meet after dinner?”

                He kissed me really quick and got up, “Always.”

 

                “What’s with the smile lover boy?” The twins plopped down on either side of me, Fred poking my face.

                I turned to my dinner, looking away from Draco. “Nothing. Good grades. Good weather. Can’t I be happy?” Ron and Hermione joined us across the table.

                “No, this is different happiness.”

                “You look like an owl that’s just had its third mouse.” George turned his head so he could look into my eyes. “Yup, that’s the face of love.”

                “Who’s the lucky lady Harry?” Ron got out between bites of chicken.

                Fred and George laughed, poking me. “Not Cho”

                “None of your business. And no one. There isn’t one.” I shoved mashed taters in my mouth.

                “Obviously its _someone_ , someone who’s been taking up all your time.” Hermione chimed in. “You’re always sneaking off to do things.”

                “You prefer me to be depressed? I’m just relieved is all. War’s over, Voldemort is dead, Quidditch is starting over and we’re about to go on holiday.”

                “Speaking of Holiday,” Ron looked up, swallowing whatever was in his mouth, “Mum wants to know if you want to join us at the burrow.” He glanced at Hermione, “Oh and you’re invited too, of course.”

                She smiled at him, pecking him on the cheek, to each their own.

                The boys shuddered next to me. “Gross.” In unison.

                “Thanks guys, I think I’ll go to Grimmauld Place for a bit.” I pushed my food around with my fork, aware of everyone’s eyes on me.

                “Are you sure that’s a good idea, Harry?” Hermione lowered her voice as if she was talking about a secret.

                “Yeah, it’s fine. I’ll come towards the end.” When her face stayed concerned, I added, “It’s not like I’ll be far, I’ll send owls and everything. I just need some time.”

                Fred and George squeezed my shoulders. “You know we’re always around mate.”

                I looked up, past Ron and Hermione towards the Slytherin table. Draco’s eyes met mine and he gave me a wink.                    

                I smiled. “Thanks guys, but I’ll be fine. Honest.”

 

                Draco’s body was warm under me, I could feel him shudder as I took his lip in my teeth. The room was dark, not wanting to draw and unnecessary attention. We had come up to our spot as soon as dinner was finished, not bothering to talk, hands and mouths first. I pulled back, panting a little as Draco slid a knee between my legs. “Wait, I have to ask you something.”

                “Oh god, not this again.” He groaned, tossing his head back on the couch.

                “No not that, it’s about Holiday.”

                He looked up, raising an arm to trace my mouth, “Hmm?”

                “Do you want to come with me?” He was silent for a bit, so I clarified “On Holiday. I’m staying at Sirius’s place for a bit. Do you want to come with me?”

                His hand slid between our bodies, towards my trousers, he laid it there, just enough pressure to make my breathing speed up. “I do want to come.” His hand tightened. “With you, that is.”

                His hand started unbuttoning, pushing me off slowly so I rested on the couch and he was on top of me. He used both hands to wiggle my pants down, simultaneously taking my underwear with him.  

                I closed my eyes, shutting them hard, and angled my head towards the ceiling. I felt his hands reach up and turn my head back down.

                Resting his forehead on mine. “Open your eyes Harry.” He commanded.

                I did, slowly, staring into his grey orbs, the light of the moon making the silver more prominent. “Draco.” His hand reached back down, and my breath hitched. “Draco, I’ve never done this before.” I barely whispered, embarrassed. I shut my eyes again.

                His other hand grabbed my chin, “Open your eyes Harry.” He kissed my nose, my eyelids, and then my mouth. When I finally opened my eyes, his were right there. “It’s okay.” His other hand came up and he never let his eyes leave mine as he licked it, when he was satisfied with his work, his hand went back down. I inhaled as he touched me, still watching him, never wanting to look away again. His knees were resting on either side of me, trapping me, his body up against mine, just enough room for hands. His hand started working me, up and down and up and down. I wanted to look away, this was more than anything we had ever done before _, more than anything I had ever done before_. The eye contact felt like such a private thing like even I wasn’t supposed to be sharing this.

                “I want to see you,” he whispered, his hand moving faster. “I want to share this with you.”

I felt like I couldn’t breathe. “Please.” His hand kept going faster, thumb swiping my tip.

“Say my name.” He kissed me, pulling back and breathing into my mouth. “Say my name Harry.”

“Draco please.” He kept going, my body arching up, trying to match his rhythm. “Draco Draco Draco.” I kept repeating until I finished, finally closing my eyes and laying my head back catching my breath. His hand swiped me one more time, picking up as much of the cum as he could. I opened my eyes and watched him lick it off. When he kissed me, I could taste myself. I liked it.

 

We apparated to Twelve Grimmauld Place. Draco didn’t want to spend Holiday alone at Malfoy Manor anymore than I wanted to spend it alone at Sirius’s. We had waited until a majority of the students had already left before packing up and meeting in the great hall.

It was raining when we arrived. I wanted to stand outside and stare, but Draco was already running to get to the front step.

“Shall we hold hands when we cross? Do you want to pick me up bridal style?”

I shoved him, pulling my wand out and opening the door. It was dark, dusty. The place needed a lot of work since its last use. Most of the security measures were still in place, but nothing tried to attack us when we stepped in.

I looked at Draco and he shrugged, “Guaranteed its better than the Manor.”

The rest of the day was spent cleaning. We used charms, elbow grease, and Kreature, who was oddly happy enough to take orders from me. “Anything to restore the old family home.” He gargled, hopping around cleaning things. Draco and I mostly worked in silence, when he would pass me I could feel his hand on my back, sometimes he would kiss the nape of my neck. The whole thing felt straight from a muggle book, domesticated. When Draco would touch me, I couldn’t remember a time when it wasn’t normal, when I felt his lips, it was like the thousandth and first time all at once. Kreature would give us dirty looks and mumble things under his nose but would continue to clean. We had stopped cleaning after dinner, Kreature only taking a break to make us food and then continue dusting. When we went to bed that night, neither of us mentioned sleeping in the same room, same bed. It just seemed normal. My head was tucked under his, blankets wrapped around our waists. Both of us could hear Kreature still cleaning, every now and then something heavy would fall and his mumbling would get louder and then subside.

“Is this weird to you?” I mumbled into his chest.

His arms were wrapped around me, drawing things on my back. “Not at all.”

“Did you ever think this would happen?”

                “Only a million times.” When he let out a small laugh, the air from his lungs ruffled my hair.

                “I mean, did you ever think it would really happen?”

                I felt him kiss the top of my head. “No. I also didn’t think I could ever escape who my family was. Didn’t think the war would end. Not the way it did. Didn’t think I’d be in bed with Harry Potter.”

                I licked a stripe up his chest and kissed his shoulder. “Are you glad it did?”

                He ducked his head to reach my mouth, kissing me softly. “Always.”

                I waited a while, so long that I thought maybe he had fallen asleep. “Draco?” I almost wished he was asleep.

                “Hmm?”

                “Is it weird that I don’t.” I hesitated. “That I don’t do what you do. That I haven’t, to you, what you to me?” My sentence barely made any sense when I said it.

                “Lumos.” The lights turned on in the room and I had to squint to get used to it. “Are you serious?” He was sitting up now, looking down at me.

                “First of all, tosser _, ow_.”

                “Harry are you really worried about that?”

                I rolled onto my back. “I mean yeah. You always,” I vaguely motioned “But I never.” 

                He laid back, scooting down so he was laying next to me, and turned his head. “Don’t ever worry about that. I do it because I enjoy it and I know you enjoy it. Don’t ever feel pressure to do something just because I do it. You think I’d push you to do something you’re not ready for? Something you’ve never done before?”

                I looked at him. “Have you done this before?”

                It was his turn to look at the ceiling. “Yeah.”

                “Girl or?” I watched his jaw tighten slightly.

                “Both.”

                “Oh.” I stayed silent for a while. “How was it?”

                He laughed. “Different.”

                “Different how?”

                “Harry do you really want to know about this?”

                “Yes.”

                He sighed, turning over to look at me. He reached down and grabbed my arm, pulling it up and draping it over his face so he couldn’t see me anymore. “I was forced. When I was young.”

                My gut clenched up, I felt bad for even bringing it up now. “Oh.”

                “It wasn’t bad, it was just. Something I wasn’t ready for. I wish I had had time to do it properly.”

                I wiggled my arm from his grasp, pulling him closer, my chin on his. “Is that why you don’t want me to do anything to you?”

                “Of course not!” He looked mildly annoyed. “Have you listened to anything I’ve just said? I want you to do what you want in your own time. I don’t want you to feel the pressure that I did. I am more than happy with everything we are doing, and you should be too.”

                “I am! I’m just worried.”

                “Well don’t be. This is by far the best that I’ve had.”

                I felt the corners of my mouth go up. “Even though we haven’t gone all the way yet?”

                “Harry it's different when it’s with someone you lo-“ He stuttered a bit, “when you really like someone.”

                “And you really like me.”

                His tongue touched my mouth, sucking on my lip for a brief second. “I really do.”

                We laid like that for a while, not saying anything, just listening to Kreature.

                “Draco?”

                He groaned but didn’t open his eyes. “What now?”

                “Can you turn the lights off?”

 

                We were a few weeks into Holiday when an Owl arrived from the Burrow.

                Draco walked into the sitting room on the second floor holding a crumpled and sad looking envelope in his hands. “They really need to get a new owl, I don’t even know how that thing is still alive.”

                I opened the note, excited for any outside news.

                **_“Harry, hope you’re still coming for Christmas dear. The boys have mentioned you might have a lady friend. Feel welcome to bring her too. It won’t be the same without you, so you better come._**

**_Love Molly.”_ **

                Draco was looking over my shoulder, reading the note with me. “A lady friend? Harry you never told me!” 

                I looked over my shoulder. “I mean you scream like a lady, does that count?” He smacked my shoulder, hopping over the couch to sit next to me.

                “You going to go?”

                “Are you?” I threw the question back at him.

                “What? No way. We’ve talked about this.”

                I reached down to squeeze his hand. “No, we’ve talked about Hogwarts. These people are the closest thing I have to family. This is more than nothing, you’re at my house, you’re in my clothes- “

                Draco looked down, as if suddenly aware of my sweater on him.

                “You’re important to me. At least let me share you with the other important people.”

                “Are you sure alarm bells won’t go off as soon as we step foot on their land?”

                I nodded even though I wasn’t actually sure.

                “Can they make sure they keep it to themselves?”

                I nodded once again, even though I was definitely not sure.

                “Okay but I’m not kissing you in front of Ron.”

                I leaned over and kissed him. “I guess we’ll have to do a lot before we can only do a little.”

                He leaned back from my kiss “Oh and I’m going to call you Potter.”

 

                Our last day at Twelve Grimmauld Place was bittersweet. Though the house looked immensely better, thanks mostly to Kreature, nothing could clean the presence of Sirius. I would walk into the kitchen, half expecting him to be at the table reading the latest Daily Profit. Draco and I were in the second bedroom on the second floor, far away from Sirius’s room. I had successfully avoided the upper floors, trusting in Kreature to keep it clean. But when Draco left to go to the _market “Kreature only gets shit food. I’m tired of eating potatoes and beans for every meal.”_ I decided it was finally time to pay my respects.

                The room still smelled like him, the bed was made up, no more things littered on the floor. All the pictures stuck to the wall, Gryffindor colors proudly waving back at me. I shut the door behind me, wanting to just take some time. Although Ron and Hermione insisted that his death was not my fault, I couldn’t help but feel guilty when I thought of him. Dumbledore used to tell me that I was wonderfully narcissistic. _“You take on the burdens of others Harry. There is more to this than you. Your involvement does not equal your fault.”_ His saying worked when he was alive. _When Sirius was alive._

                “I’m sorry,” I whispered to the walls. “I hate that this happened to you.” When the walls stayed silent I laid down and let the tears come. I felt like I never got the time to properly mourn him, I barely had time to properly love him. He was there and then gone but he was the best family I knew.

                I woke up to the room brightly lit, the sun was setting and casting its final rays into the room, the house colors looked on fire. Draco was laying next to me, running his fingers through my hair. I started silently sobbing, warm hands pulling me into a warm body.

                “It’s my fault. It’s my fault he’s dead.”

                “No it’s not.”

                “It is though!” I chocked out between hiccups and sobs. “Why did this have to happen? I never asked for any of this.”

                “If this hadn’t happened, you might not have even met Sirius.”

                “But he would be alive.”

                “You don’t know that. If it wasn’t you, it would have been someone else. Voldemort would still be alive, and more people would be dead.” When I continued crying, I could feel him sigh next to me, “We’ve all done something to contribute to this war, none of us are blameless. We all saved someone, we all got someone killed. And now the wizarding world is a better place and we can all move forward in making sure this never happens again.”

                “I just feel so empty. Like what now? I was breed for this role Draco, Dumbledore said so himself. And now that my part is over, what do I do? I don’t even know who I am half the time. Sirius was so good at seeing past the Chosen one. He treated me like I was just a kid. That’s what I am now. Just a kid. There’s no war, no great dark force threatening the ones I love. I’m just a kid again and I don’t know what I’m doing.” I wasn’t expecting to pour my heart out to him, but the frustration and anger built up inside me were threatening to spill over. I blamed the light of the room, the way Sirius’s blankets wrapped around us, Draco’s hands gently touching me.

                “You’re not alone. You know you’re not the only one with a singular role. I’ve been trying to break free from the Malfoy persona, the negativities associated with Slytherin.” He gently smiled at me, “Not easy when your parents are on Azkaban’s most wanted. You know what I see Harry?”

                I stared into his eyes, watching the way the sun crawled across his skin.

                “I see someone who would do anything to help those he loves. Evil will never die. You’re not useless you know? And you’re more than someone who saves the day, you’re brilliant, wicked smart, great on the broom, and you’re far better than half the wizards in the ministry. There will always be someone in need of saving, someone in need of your help. Right now, it’s you. You need to help you. We’ll figure this out, don’t worry.”

                Draco made fish and chips that night, almost setting the stove on fire in the process. When Kreature walked into the kitchen and saw us already eating he looked miffed but went back to cleaning, hiding, stealing things. Whatever it was he did in his spare time. We cleaned up in silence, our bags already packed for the burrows tomorrow. I started making my way up the stairs before Draco stopped me, pulling me into the study. He plopped me on the couch, turning the record player on and placing a dust-covered disk on its top. Happy instruments filled the room and he came across, grabbing my hand and pulling me up.

                We spun around the room, Draco moving his head and hands in such a way I couldn’t _not_ laugh.  As the beat picked up we spun faster, my head and eyes getting dizzy.

                _Come on Eileen, oh I swear (what he means)_

_At this moment, you mean everything_

_You in that dress, my thoughts I confess_

_Verge on dirty_

_Ah, come on Eileen._

When the song ended, both of us were on the floor laughing.  “How come you didn’t dance like that at the Yule Ball?” I poked the blond with my foot.

“Didn’t have the audience I do now.” He turned over and started tickling me.

“Draco! Draco stop!” I laughed as his fingers poked and prodded me, trying my hardest to scramble away from him.

He pulled my hips down with one motion and planted a kiss on my lips. “You can make happy memories here you know. It’s not all bad.”          

I swept the hair from his eye. “We. We can make happy memories?”

He kissed me again, longer, his lips pressing my head into the carpet. “Yeah. We.”

 

That night was the first night I ever touched Draco. We barely made it into the room before both our clothes were off. I hadn’t seen him this naked since our shower talk. I wanted to touch all of him, my hands running up and down his arms, around his neck, in his hair. When I grabbed a fistful of blond locks and pulled, he groaned, a sound that went straight to my heart. I wanted everything he had, I wanted to be selfish, I wanted to hold him and never let go. I kissed his chest, getting on my knees and pushing Draco so he was sitting back on the bed. His eyes held mine, waiting for the next move. “Is this okay?”

He nodded, throwing his head back when I wrapped my mouth around him. He tasted like salt and wood and soap all in one. Resting my hands on his spread knees, I pushed my head as close to him as I could without choking.

“Fuck, Harry.”

I went as fast as I could, feeling the spit pooling in the corner of my mouth. I tried to mimic the motions Draco had done to me, taking his groaning and swearing as an indication that I was on the right track.

“Fuck Harry, you need to pull back, I can’t last much longer.”

I let go, leaving my head close to his groin. “I want to taste it.”

His eyes seemed to darken, his hands clasping my hair and pushing my face closer to him. I choked a couple times but went back to my rhythm, Draco’s hands tightening as he came closer and closer to,

“Fuck Harry.”

He held my head where it was, as I swallowed everything he gave me. As soon as he had finished he seemed to snap back into someone else.

“Oh my god, are you okay?” He pulled me up onto the bed, “That was okay?”

I shoved his taste back into his own mouth, wrapping my arms around his neck. “Better than okay.”

He smiled, relieved, and reached his hand down to help me, but I scooted my ass back off the bed, “No.”

“You don’t want to?”

“I do but can we try something else?”

He bit his lip, breathing into my face. “What do you have in mind?”

I almost wished I hadn’t said anything, because now I would have to use words and describe what I wanted. I settled on the simplest way to tell him. “I want you in me.” I waited in the dark, trying to see his eyes, read his expression. “And before you ask if I’m sure, yes I am. But only if you are, if you want to, that is. Because I want to.” He kissed me again, nodding in the dark. He used his hands, instructing me and pushing my legs this way and that until I was sitting up on all fours. I started getting nervous, wondering just how much this was going to hurt. Draco’s hands and fingers were all over me, massaging my back, dipping into my shoulders, the crevice of my spine, and finally my ass. I clenched up, involuntarily, and felt Draco’s hands go back up, running across my hips. After I had relaxed again, he moved his hands lower, waiting for me to unclench. He must have licked his fingers because when he slipped one inside me, it was wet, slightly cold from his mouth. I rocked back unintentionally, already enjoying the feeling. He added another finger and I rocked faster, my breathing was loud in the otherwise silent room. He pulled out just as quickly as he was in, pushing my shoulders to the side and making me lie down. With his face above me, I could finally see him through the lighting of the window. He bent down and kissed me, hands locking with my fingers, pulling them above my head.

“Are you ready?” He peppered my face with more kisses.

“Yes.” I jutted my head out, wanting him to come back to my mouth. As soon as our lips met, I felt him push inside me. I let go of his mouth, trying to breathe. “Please don’t move,” I whispered, suddenly aware of just how full I felt. He continued kissing my face, my neck, hands holding my neck. “Okay, you can move.” He kissed me on the mouth, resting his head and looking into my eyes as he gently started rocking. I had never felt this good in my life, my legs were wrapped around Draco’s waist, mouth permanently attached to his. I had never loved him more.

As if he could read my thoughts, Draco pulled back, looked me square in the eyes “I love you.” I felt tears at the corner of my eyes, again. “I love you so much Harry. I’ve always loved you.” He kissed my tears, rocking faster. “Love you so much.” He whispered in my ear. I could feel myself coil up, ready to release. It only took him two more thrusts before I came, groaning loudly. As soon as he pulled out, I pinned him to my chest, not caring that my tears were falling onto his skin.

“I love you too.”

 

I thought sex with Draco was my favorite thing, but the next morning when the sun shone into my eyes and I looked up to see Draco peacefully sleeping next to me, I changed my mind. His neck was littered with bruises, teeth marks on his shoulders. I’m sure if I turned him around there would be nail marks on his back. We would be going to the burrow today. I would be telling the Weasleys that I was with Draco. _With him_. It was a step in the direction I wanted. I knew everything was going to soon change, _again_. At least in the here and now I had my favorite person. I pulled him closer, taking in his smell. As long as I had him, everything would be okay.

Draco twitched his nose, opening his eyes slowly and looking at me. “What’s for brekkie? I’m hungry.”

 

 

               

               

 

               

               

 

               

               

               

                 


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